Living in the moment doesn’t deplete your resources the way that living in the past tends to do. By opening up to the pain that accompanies the loss, you are allowing yourself to feel. Experiencing and expressing emotions helps us heal. Most importantly, don’t keep your grief hidden from those who care about you. Being able to talk about the loss and the hurt you feel opens up the door to invaluable support.
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When someone you care about is seemingly making the choice to maintain and feed their addiction, there can be a sense of helplessness in trying to fix the situation. You might spend hours feeling your way through “if onlys” or “maybes,” yet know in your heart that you are powerless over the addiction and your loved one’s situation. Finally, when you’re exploring how to let go of an addict you love, as hard as it may be you have to let go of fear. Loving an addict often means that you’re plagued with constant fear, and that can lead you to feel depressed or hopeless. You have to try and work on letting go of those feelings and taking care of yourself while moving forward.
#2 Discuss Boundaries
“This includes communication with the partner, with yourself and even with friends and family before entering a relationship,” explains Dr. Gerardo. In other words, if you feel like love can make you obsessive, you’re not alone. Real-life love can be complicated stuff — and it’s never as simple as waiting for the love potion to wear off.
- Remember the times you’ve helped the addict or alcoholic in your life.
- I can relate to your pain as my pain which is purposely inflicted to me is hurtful znd im at my end of rope ?
- Rachel Uchitel, an alleged mistress of Tiger Woods, spoke openly about her addiction to love because of her participation in Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab.
- It’s by talking that we give each other permission to feel what we feel, love who we love, and be who we are, with the vulnerabilities, frayed edges, courage and wisdom that are all a part of being human.
- Before any help can be offered, you must be able to objectively and clearly view the reality of the situation.
What is love addiction?
Living with other people always calls for balance and understanding to create a safe and harmonious household. When it comes to living with someone with an addiction, though, such goals may be a bit more challenging. Sherry Gaba, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist/author specializing in addictions, codependency, and underlying issues such as depression, trauma, and anxiety.
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For example, if you frequently find yourself bailing the other person out, you can calmly let them know that you can no longer do this. So focus on your life and explore what might fulfill you, from new hobbies to career changes, traveling, or meeting new people. The possibilities are endless when you learn to care for your needs. Even the term feels lonely and sad, perhaps like you’re giving up on your loved one in a way. Addictions are often called the “elephant in the room” that no one acknowledges. The hesitance to give the problem a name only adds to the confusion and ambiguity.
You would most likely not be mad that friend of loved one had cancer, but you can be upset that they have opted to not follow any of the doctors orders. Odds are, the addictive (insert type of addiction here—can be drugs, sex, gambling; it’s all the same) personality type found you because you are a helper, better known in the addict world as an enabler. Unfortunately, not all interventions succeed. In some cases, your loved one with an addiction may not accept the treatment plan. They may get very angry or say that help isn’t needed. They also may be resentful and accuse you of betrayal or being a hypocrite.
For many who have spent years giving to others, especially when taking care of the active alcoholic or addict in your life, asking for help becomes a foreign idea. Part of practicing self-care is learning to ask for help. Setting boundaries protects your personal health and well-being, is more likely to help your addicted loved one, and can help ensure that you’ll be satisfied with the relationship as well. The pathway to healing and recovery is often a journey that can progress over multiple years. Addiction not only involves the individual suffering from the substance use disorder, but their partner, their family, and their friends as well. My late husband overdosed on fentanyl and died.
It’s easy to feel judged for withdrawing support for the addict, but eventually, this becomes the only possible response. Unless someone has been in battle armour beside you, fighting the fight, being brought to their knees, with their heart-broken and their will tested, it’s not for them to judge. But one of the most important steps in healthy detachment can be unapologetically putting your own safety and health first. If you decide to call an emergency number like 911, ask the operator to send someone trained in mental health, like Crisis Intervention Training (CIT) officers.
How to Help an Addict by Detaching with Love
Some people will have a high level of tolerance, others will not. If you (or someone you know) is being manipulated by an addicted loved one, the tips below can help to loosen his manipulative grip. It also may be right to ask your loved one to seek support from a group such as Alcoholics Anonymous.
A depth I craved then and I depth I will crave if I let myself forget who I am loving. Your loved one is going to lie to you, and you will loving an addict want to believe them. But what they are doing is protecting their illness, because their substance has come to seem as vital to them as air. This isn’t to say that you should excuse lying, only that you should understand where it’s coming from so you can take it a little less personally and avoid getting sidetracked by pain and resentment. Instead, keep the lines of communication open, but set clear boundaries that protect you and them, and that encourage a turn toward treatment.
